So I mentioned a while back about the story I would share later after we were in the house. This story goes way back, so grab a snack and get ready for a long post. There is no way for me to shorten this one. In order to understand the magnitude of this blessing, I will need to take you through the shortest version I can, of the depth of our valley.
First, this is my very first home. Nolan owned a house when I met him 12 years ago, but it was never our home. It was his, and I did not like that house. Which leads me to a wonderful lesson as well. That lesson is, “Never – Say – ‘Never'”.
While I was pregnant with my oldest who is now 14, I bought a diaper genie from an old, pink, run down, 100-year-old farmhouse that had been moved into town from its old farmstead decades before I was even born. My mom was ecstatic that I had finally found a diaper genie and so was I. But something about that house freaked me out. I almost did not go to the backyard where the garage sale was taking place. It was also the first garage sale that my mom did not go along with me because she was working that morning. I was only 18, a senior in high school, and the concept of walking past this creepy house, into a backyard where I was convinced no one would be able to hear me scream, freaked me out. But I went in and grabbed the diaper genie and got out of there as fast as I could.
My mom asked me where I found it and my response was, “This old creepy house I will ‘never’ go back to no matter what they are selling.”
Fast forward 3 years later and I met Nolan. And I did not put two and two together right away, but I recognized something familiar with that house he lived in. It was not as creepy now because I knew, liked and trusted this guy I had been dating for a few weeks. I am the type of girl who believes that things are not the most important aspect of life. But things do help make life a little easier sometimes. So I was not judging Nolan by his house. I just couldn’t put a finger on what that house reminded me of, or why I wasn’t a huge fan of it. Until that odd conversation one random day when Nolan and his ex-wife Tiff were discussing selling their old diaper genie at a garage sale. They couldn’t believe someone actually bought it. They mentioned they did the garage sell on the back deck.
I think my mind almost had whiplash with how fast that realization came and hit me out of nowhere.
I WAS LIVING IN THAT CREEPY HOUSE!! Now I disliked it even more, and at this point, Nolan and I were now married and living together.
So many reasons to highly dislike that old farmhouse. The basement was not finished and there was actually dirt floor in some areas. It still had the coal shoot to the basement in the floor on the main level. There were constantly spiders in the basement. The basement reminded me something similar to the Blare Witch Project. Very few people ever understood. So many people loved that house. But I couldn’t. I didn’t know why. But it was just not for me. But we lived there together for 4-5 years, remodeled many rooms, rewired, replumbed, and I didn’t hate it as much as I first did, but it still was not my favorite.
From there we ended up renting a 6 bedroom, 3 bathroom, 4 level split home on an acre or so of land from people we once knew. They were only asking $500/month (this was a year before the oil boom picked up again) and we then rented our old farmhouse out to Tiff(ex-wife) and her kids (Nolan’s 2 boys and their 2 sisters).
We had just found out we were pregnant with Evy that exact same day that the rental offer came through. I had been worrying all day about how we were going to fit the 5th kid into that tiny house when we received a phone call about the rental house. It seemed like the perfect opportunity. However, that house was a beautiful nightmare. It had a problem with mice. It was constantly producing spiders. BIG SPIDERS! I had to have Nolan come home from work and kill a spider one day. It was trying to lunge at me when I was trying to smoosh it. I was sincerely freaked out. The house had an issue with centipedes in the lowest level, back bedroom. Every day there were several new ones. The sewer also backed up several times a day, and we couldn’t run the shower and flush a toilet at the same time or it would back up. This went on for 2-3 months before we replaced the pump out in the septic system. At one point when the good water pump died it kicked up TONS of sand and the was completely unusable. We couldn’t do laundry, bathe or cook/drink, the water because it was so dirty. While we lived there, one of the shops out by Patterson Lake exploded and we were the first house in line with the shock wave. I was in the garage in the middle of the night, 8 months pregnant, checking on a litter of puppies I had just weaned from bottle feeding. I thought a plane had just hit the house. It was intense. I wish someone was recording me. I was 8 months pregnant with Evy and I seriously think I could hold a world record for how fast an 8-month pregnant lady can run. I was seriously in super manpower mode. “My family may have just died.” That was all I could think about, as the walls of the garage physically moved and I heard a loud explosion. This house I am also convinced was possessed by something evil, but that a different topic for another day. This house was a nightmare for us. But then to add more pain to all of this, at about the 1-year mark of renting that house, we get a call from the owner who now wanted $1,400/month. He called mid-month and wanted the new rent increase 2 weeks later when the 1st came around. This was right when the oil boom hit and the whole town had massive pains from outrageous rental increases. We had no contract. We had no lease. So they could do what they wished with the rent. We had also sunk a lot of money into the house because we were so grateful for the opportunity. We planted 10-20+ trees along the fence line. Bought a new pump for the septic system and replaced it ourselves to stop the sewer back up problem. We replaced the pump in the water well out of our own resources. Thankfully friends and family helped us with this situation. So many other things took place in that short year. These things were not minor like fixing a nail hole in the wall. They were major improvements. Another annoyance we had to work with was the owners still wanted to stay in the house when they would come home to visit. This sounded decent at first when we made that initial verbal agreement, but it really is not a good idea. Never agree to this. It is awkward. We felt violated. It was something we agreed on so it was our own fault, but it was not ideal by any means.
When they mentioned the new rent increase, we had many failed attempts to negotiate ways to make the new rent payment work, which we were willing to work towards. The owner told us the house would be on the market for sale come Monday, 2 days later, because we were not willing to make it work their way. They wanted us to rent the rooms out to college students, or oil field workers and bunk our own children up for a couple of the rooms so it would open up a couple rooms for additional renters. Strangers, in the same house. I think not!
So we packed our stuff and were out of the house 6 days later.
But before that…
We were faced with the “what should we do” blues.
If we kicked Tiff and the kids out of our old house and moved back in, his own boys would have been homeless. Yes, they could have lived with us, we heard those of you who suggested this. But we were not going to kick their mom and sisters to that same fate. We are not monsters.
We were faced with being homeless because we had nowhere to go. We couldn’t afford that rent increase and we were not willing to sub-rent the rooms to college students as the owners asked us to do.
We were faced with renting elsewhere, but now everyone else in town was raising their prices and with a newborn and a total of 5 kids, it was no longer something we could afford.
We were faced with moving into my grandma’s basement.
We were faced with moving out of town, but Nolan’s job is not comparably capable of being replaced.
We were faced with so many odds.
And worse yet, Nolan’s mom passed away this same week. So I was holding all of this together so he could be and do what he needed to be and do to help, heal and grieve the loss of his mom.
We are now talking epic struggles here. I would never wish to repeat this season in our lives, and I do not wish this season even on my biggest enemy.
So I swallowed hard on my pride and called my grandma and asked if my family of 7 could live in her 1 bedroom basement that thankfully had 2 pull out couch beds. She is amazing and said yes. And we moved in. And we pulled out those couch beds every single night for 8 months. And I felt like the most epic of epic failures. And I could not figure out where I went wrong in life to have fallen backward so far. This was prior to me learning everything I know now, but even in all of that, I held onto hope and onto my faith. I had worked so hard to be independent, to be free of needing others help. And here we were, at what felt like being back at square one.
We were homeowners. We still owned our old creepy farmhouse. However, we were now living in a 1 bedroom basement in my grandma’s house because we both refused to let Tiff and the kids be homeless just so we could have our house back.
And I want to point out, we never raised their rent. So it was not like we could bank the rent and then rent a place of our own. We rented the house out for the cost of the house payment and we left it at that through all of this.
So what happened next.
Before Nolan’s mom passed away, she had purchased the apartment she was living in. The older buildings in town sell each individual apartment like condos. So 18 people could each own an apartment in a single building. Well, Nolan’s mom was one of those owners. And none of us could stomach living there because of the memories. It would be far too hard. So the apartment sat virtually untouched for 8 months.
Around 7 months later, Nolan and I had mentioned to each other about the possibility of living in that small 2 bedroom apartment as an opportunity to get out of grandmas basement. It wasn’t really something we thought we would have to do, and we didn’t want to do it. We held onto hope that we would be able to get a different place. However, the rent in town was so high we felt like we had no other options.
It was now time to make another decision; live in the old apartment, or remain in grandmas basement.
It eventually came down to living in Nolan’s mom’s old apartment. And that was also not easy. And that was also not what we aspired to do, but it was a roof over our heads. It was not grandmas basement, and it had 1 additional bedroom and gave us back our independence.
Nolan and I had to drag a mattress out from the Kid’s bedroom every single night and lay it on the living room floor. That was where we slept. In the morning we drug the mattress back to the bedroom and stored it on top of the boy’s top bunk. We had the 3 boys in 1 bedroom, and the 2 girls in another room. This was tough:
Emotional, spiritually and physically.
Can you imagine personally for just a second walking just this fraction of a path with me? And do that daily for 4 years.
Some of you may have just said to yourselves, “I would never” or “I could not imagine”. Maybe you said something else. But I guess these two because I heard them all the time when people found out that we had to do this.
Now we are all living in this 2 bedroom apartment. Getting closer to the point of buying a 4 bedroom home. And we are starting to get back ahead a little bit and things are starting to move forward. Things seem to be going well and we are starting to make new goals and we had a plan to get out of the apartment. We are 3 years in and ready to move.
But this is now where our lives changed forever. 3 more beautiful children came to live with us. Our niece and 2 nephews.
For that story, please check out my blog post here: http://faithhopegrowth.hottinallee.com/reflecting-faith/
3 more kids in that tiny 2 bedroom apartment. That apartment is guesstimated to be about 800 sq feet.
Leading up to this we’re these few events.
Nolan’s boys had moved to Colorado. We sold that old crappy pink farmhouse for what the loan was worth, and not a penny more because we felt called to do that. I have no other explanation I can give because it makes absolutely no sense to me either. The boom was at its highest point. We could have sold that old house for double what we owed on it and boughten ourselves a nice house. And looking back I really wish we would have. But I know that when we sold that creepy farmhouse for only what was left on the loan, we did exactly the right thing. I have no doubt in my mind about that. God does not always have to make sense. We just have to obey. And I hope that is what we did, and we were not actually led astray.
At this time, we have 6 kids home full time, ages newborn – 11 and we are living in a small 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom apartment.
Is your mind full of questions now?
I can tell you this, I have some mad skills when it comes to organizing things. I even had a large food storage in that tiny apartment.
When we moved again, it was finally into a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom apartment. Still not the house we had been praying for. But a step up from where we had been living the last several years.
Finally, after 4 years we were going to have our own bedroom again. For the first time in 5 years, we had a place with more than 1 bathroom again, an actual pantry, our own laundry room. It was 1,170 square feet and it was such a blessing for our family in so many ways.
I actually sat in the living room singing and praising God for the longest time after we moved into that 3 bedroom apartment. Everything was brand new. They had just finished building the apartment building. It had a security lockdown for the main doors. After dealing with my sister breaking into the other apartment, this was a huge bonus for us. The laundry room was huge. The kitchen was bigger than the last one. It had an open floor plan. The bathrooms were much bigger than the other apartment. The rooms were much bigger then we were used to. Everything was such a blessing for us.
But we are a family with 8 kids and we still could not fit everyone without cramming. Although Nolan’s boys still live in Colorado we always consider them when we are looking at homes. We always want to have a way to make it work for them to be at our house. We always desire for them to have their own beds, their own things.
But as life was consuming us and all our space, everyone including the kids were left sacrificing so others could have space and beds. We got a trundle bed for Dantè so when the older boys came to visit, they could both sleep in the room and we would just bunk up 2 of the smaller kiddos on one bed for those few days.
This was still not ideal though. We want everyone to have a bed. But with 8 kids, 6 living at home full time and 3 bedrooms, that is really tough to do. Especially when 5 are boys and 3 are girls.
Today, as I type this, it is still sinking in that we finally own our first home together. That this is OUR house. That we no longer have to cram into tiny spaces, move mattresses every night, pull out couch beds, kill large amounts of centipedes/spiders/mice, or clean up sewer water. We don’t have to sacrifice every ounce of free space to store food, blankets or winter gear. This will be the first Christmas in so many years where I will not need to worry about what the kids get as gifts because we are so limited on space. This has been a huge issue for me for so many years. I always had to clean and get rid of so many things before every Christmas, just to make room for new toys, clothes, and such.
This has been a dream for 15 years. I have been praying for 12 years, and for the last 7 years, I have been wishing and waiting for a miracle.
I used to hope and pray someone could help us in any way, shape, or form. I was starting to feel like it was never going to happen so the only way it could happen was if someone else helped us. I had lost sight of the fact that God was waiting for us to look to Him for it to happen, and not people of this world. I would secretly hope that Habitat For Humanity would show up and we would be one of those families who could be blessed with a new home that fit us perfectly.
I used to fantasize about so many things like that. I had tried everything on my own to make it happen and had reached a point where I felt there was no other way.
I felt like giving up on the concept of ever owning a house. I think I have prayed every possible prayer, dreamed every possible dream, desired every possible solution, tried to reason every possible reason. I tried working my butt off and we as a family tried so many things.
When we started the process of buying this house our first pre-approval came in very low. At least I feel like it was low. And for our family size and what I knew we needed, that pre-approval was not going to work. I laid in bed for 2 days crying. I was so mad I almost entertained the idea of giving up on dreams completely. Here I am, a life coach, helping others accomplish their dreams, watching others succeed, and I felt like I couldn’t even get the house dream to come to pass for our own family. I was battling negative thoughts, fighting a war against the enemy no one else could see. And I could have agreed with him.
But once you know God, no one can steal Him away from you. And thank goodness I know who He is.
I remember standing in the kitchen, crying and I said, “We can’t do this one on our own. Jesus is going to have to make this work for us. Because there is absolutely no other way.”
And I held firm to let Jesus help us.
For the sake of keeping this short, I’m going to speed the explanation up for you now. As the days went on, that pre-approval amount kept growing. But it required me to be obedient. At a leadership meeting for church, our Pastor mentioned and asked if someone was going through something. I knew it was us. I had only gotten out of bed that day to attend that meeting. No one else knew we were even struggling with this. This preapproval was a huge blow to us. After all the hard work, prayer, faith, belief, and declarations I had made. After holding onto everything in God and His word, I knew Satan was attacking as hard as he could. And I didn’t have it in me at the point to fight. All I could do was cry. I felt so defeated. Like all my work and faith was for nothing. Like the wind had knocked the wind out of my lungs completely.
That night our pastor and several others prayed for Nolan and I. And I know that was exactly where God needed us to be. I needed that prayer for spiritual healing. I needed life breathed back into me. I knew I needed to surround myself with the strong believers of God’s word. I just never expected prayer that night, but I am so thankful we attended that meeting.
From that point on, I would hear the Spirit nudge me to look at a home way above our price range, and I was scared to ask to see it. I knew we couldn’t even afford it, and I was worried that the realtor would tell us, “No”. I even had to switch realtors as the first realtor actually did tell me no. I felt called to do something huge for God’s glory, so I was going to need a realtor who could help me complete that task. I needed a highly motivated realtor who was willing to walk this journey with no judgment. And as soon as I stepped into that obedience, God opened us up again for a higher approval. And again He raised us up another level when I asked to see another home that was placed on my heart that was above our price range. We did this a few times before we found our house. We were getting into an area where I didn’t want to pay that high for a house payment. And then our realtor showed us this house and it was different. I felt like it was the one. I felt God’s peace. But it made absolutely no sense.
It was without a few things I was dead set on having. I wanted closets in the bathrooms. I wanted a yard with grass and a sprinkler system. I wanted main floor laundry.
And this house does not have any of those things. I turned down house after house because these particular things were missing.
But… God’s peace was in this house and in this decision.
I had no idea why it was this house. It actually gave me slight anxiety because I was not sure how to make the bathrooms work without closets for storage.
But… God’s peace and He kept showing me that He was behind this process with little signs here and there.
And now that we are here, I have found so many little things that absolutely make this house the perfect house for us. From the beautiful vaulted ceilings with gorgeous texturing designs, and the handles of our cupboards having an elegant imprint. All the doors and their trim, and how wonderful it is to finally live in a home with central air, and gas forced heat. Even little things like the lamps I bought last summer to put in our master bedroom that ironically match the ceiling fan in our new room.
God is so good you guys. Man oh man is this such a blessing for us today.
I am so beyond thankful.
We finally have space!
Thank you, Jesus.