Testimony
Warning – contains transparency:
There is so much I want to say. But this post will get really long so I am attempting to make it shortened. It will however be worth the read if you stick it out.
Let me first start off with introducing my new baby neice into this world. Little Miss, Rosamond Dawn. She is absolutely perfect in every single way, all the way down to her adorable double chin. And she has one awesome group of people who will help mold her into a phenomenal Godly woman as she grows.
With that being stated. Let me share some of the transparency before the testimony. As they go together.
First:
▫️This is the face of someone who spent most of the last few days crying.
▫️This is the face of a mom who has had little sleep in the last 2 months.
▫️This is the face of someone who swallowed her pride and showed up at that hospital even though her flesh wanted to be a stubborn, rebellious cry baby.
▫️This is the face of someone who’s heart is breaking in more than one way, as I watch people who used to be friends, distance themselves because they are more afraid of my divorce than Nolan and I are.
▫️This is the face of someone who has had her heart broken by a few people I thought were friends, but have gone as far as to pretend I do not exist, yet still interact with Nolan and the kids, even though Nolan and I are getting along great.
▫️This is the face of someone who did almost no make up today because she knew it would be a difficult day.
▫️This is the face of someone who’s PTSD kicked in yesterday and she is standing up and making that mountain move.
▫️This is the face of someone who has had a few childish moments and wanted to scream at God even though she knows 150% that He is good and not to blame.
▫️This is the face of someone who spent entirely too much energy into being a giant drama queen towards her mom and sister yesterday, even though they deserved 0% of it.
▫️This is the face of someone who is working hard to not to feel defeated after watching others succeed in areas I have been praying over in my personal life for years.
▫️This is the face of someone who would have rather stayed in bed all day.
▫️This is the face of someone who had a terrible migraine caused by stress up until 45 minutes before this picture was taken.
▫️This is the face of someone who has not even wanted to pray, praise, or even open my bible because I have been feeling so weighed down, but I do it anyways. Even if it’s just a muffled, “Thank you Father” or a pitifully whispered, “I bind you enemy”…
▫️This is the face of a single mom with 6 kids
▫️This is the face of my current reality.
BUT!
This is also the face of a woman who is strong, classy, positive, brave, wise and refuses to give up, among many other things..
My breakthrough is coming! No Thing By Any Means Shall Ever Hurt Me!! I keep swimming. Restoration is coming. My abundant harvest is coming. My increase is coming. And every year in my time hop, this post will be a reminder of how far God has brought my sister, her husband, and our relationship together.
Now – for that testimony.
I need you all to know something. This day was hard for me. Not because I have not forgiven. Not because I hold grudges or didn’t want to be there. But because this was a situation that had trauma attached to it the last time I was in it. And I did not realize how badly that was still affecting me until yesterday, and then again today.
I actually drove to Bismarck today, to drive away from Bismarck until I got to the Flying Jay outside of Mandan, when I turned back around to go to the hospital. God’s Spirit really had to help me. I did not do that all in my own strength. Baby Rosamond has done nothing, and she deserves all the love and spoiling possible.
My sister is my only sibling. I know that 90% of you are already aware that there have been issues between my sister and I for decades. But for those of you who do not know, Nolan and I adopted my Sister’s 3 older children in April, 2018 after 4 difficult years with foster care. I have every reason under the sun to never talk to my sister again.
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BUT GOD!
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In January, 2017, God told me at the Believer’s Rally that I needed to forgive both my sister and bio dad and talk to them. And I fought that off for more than a year. I argued heavily with the Lord here. I never wanted anything to do with either of them for as long as any of us were still living. UNLESS they could really prove to me they had changed.
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And they did.
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And come May, 2018 I met with my sister for the first time in years. And I was blown away by who she had become.
She was brand new. I never knew that she had that kind of potential. Even as a younger kiddo, she was so different than she is today. She is now sober and doing phenomenal.
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Please drop a positive note for her below. (She deserves an awesome shout out for that)
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Back to the topic:
We agreed to take things slow. And we have been.
But she found out she was pregnant just a few weeks after we started to rebuild the relationship. And I ran to a friends house immediately because it was devastating news for me. I sobbed.
You guys, it is 100% possible to forgive someone – AND BE HAPPY FOR THEM – yet still feel things when subjects get brought up.
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Trauma has triggers.
Triggers lead to emotions.
Tbis was one of those moments.
And now I know a mountain I need to take down.
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I can not put into words how proud I am of my sister and her husband and the life they are building together. They are both clean and have been for a few years. Both have awesome jobs. A great home. And now this incredible little baby. And even though I blew up like a balloon on them for no reason, she forgave me, welcomed me in, and never once held it against me. She was completely understanding. In years past, it would have escalated to a catastrophic level. This time was different. Progress! Hallelujah!!🏼
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My sister has become a living example to me of God’s love, joy, grace and restoration. He is so good!
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Also, for the first time in almost 5 years, I GET to be an auntie again. Did you hear me – I (((GET))) to be an auntie. God is so good!!
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I know that this is only the beginning of something far better ahead. But I will stop this here.
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What can you learn from all of this?!?
No mater what you are facing. Muffle out the praise, whisper out the rebuke, read just one word in the Bible. BE OBEDIENT. Straighten that crown, and keep moving forward. Just don’t you ever give up, or you may miss the sweetest moments in life.
Chelsey, John – Congrats. I’m so in love with your human. 🥰 You two are going to be amazing parents. Enjoy this brand new adventure that you are beginning.
