This one is for the churches, for the schools and most importantly, for adoptive families.
I am not someone to draw attention to myself. I believe and know that God has every answer that I ever need. That I am supplied with all wisdom for every situation. And for this, my family will rise above. We will be the family to change this for the better for every family.
BUUUUUT!!
I am asking everyone who has anything to do with my kids, or my family or any adoptive family to please take 20 minutes and watch this video.
This is highly important for schools, and churches to be aware of. I name those two because they are likely to be the most involved with children and families dealing with RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder).
4 years ago I would have scrolled past this video too. But I encourage you to watch this.
The God kind of Love is my victory. We are not there (yet), but we will be victorious.
Until then:
I explain living with children with RAD this way: “It is a complete absence of Love or anything to do with God. Living with a child with RAD is like living with Satan personally.”
If that last part made you gasp. Or if that last part made you think I am over reacting, or harsh. Than I would like to tell you that I just helped give you a glimps of our lives. Am I saying my children or anyone’s child is Satan or wicked? No! What I am saying is that RAD is everything that describes Satan and everything that does not describe God. And it is 100% spot on. I don’t like it either. But if you want to know how to help – you MUST – understand what I just stated above, and know that I say that OUT OF LOVE.
RAD is the worst. I do not say this in defeat. I say this because there is no other explanation. Sure, I could tell you about their positive characteristics. But that does not give us, or any adoptive family the help they need. Most families are condemned, criticized, judged and ridiculed by people looking in from the outside. So for me to share a positive post, when asking you to help, would be completely ineffective. In order to understand, I must share the actuality of the situation with you.
People dealing with RAD children need real help. They deal with secondary trauma because their RAD child has inflicted trauma on them. And there is a huge lack of help. I feel that I speak this for all adoptive families, not just mine.
I am sharing this video for the 20 signs he shares within the video. The only point that James does not have is the “Animal Cruelty”. However, he has been displaying human-on-human violence at school lately. And that is completely new for him (aside from when he kept trying to intentionally hurt Mia as a newborn).
Many children with RAD will have all 20. Some children like Mia who are more mild, may only have a few signs. Mia’s RAD is much milder.
I also share this because I want everyone who is involved with our family or ANY ADOPTIVE FAMILY to understand what is going on in our home(s). Not because we need attention. But because we need you guys to understand that some days, we don’t have it in us. What don’t we have in us? Anything! And we (parents of RAD children) all secretly cry out. But almost never actually say a thing because RAD traps us in isolation. It always sounds “to ‘bad’ to be true”. But to rip the bandaid off, it is always worse than it sounds with RAD. And you must also remember that. If you have a parent who is great at remaining positive amongst living with a RAD child. Applaud them. Because those people are the ones who came in strong and have fought, and are fighting, and refuse to let go of God’s Word. No mater how beat up they really are on the inside. And they ARE beat up on the inside. There is not a one person dealing with RAD who isn’t.
Also, with parents who live with RAD, the internal struggle is far worse than what you see on the outside. RAD is a huge emotional and mental drain. But it is also a physical drain. The parents often times look like their energy is completely drained. The spark may be missing in their eyes. They may look at you and their eyes may say, “I need to fall apart, but I refuse to be negative and give up. So make me laugh please”. When they hug you, you may sense that they just “needed a hug”. Because they totally needed a hug. Your hug may be the only deposit they have had into their drained cups. HUG THEM!!! Maybe when you hugged them it felt empty. Because it was empty. Because their cup is empty. HUG THEM!!! Or help them laugh. Just help them fill up their cup.
As teachers, family, friends. We need you. We need people who get it. We need people who do not judge. People who understand so when any of us have a bad day with our RAD kids, you will just hug us or help us laugh, instead of judging. So when we appear to be disciplining too much, or not enough, we are not judged by you.
And if parents with RAD kids have non RAD children. Hug those kids too. Because those kids are also living the same struggles as the adults. Sometimes worse. As siblings are a direct threat to RAD kids.
It takes a lot to keep peace going in homes with children who have RAD.
So I ask that you please take 20 minutes and watch this video so you are aware of these 20 signs. So you can be mindful for both yourself, and the families in your lives who live with RAD children.
**I want to add. I know nothing about this man’s ministry. But his info on RAD is completely spot on. So I shared this video for that purpose. There is a commercial during the video for his materials. I have no info on anything about his stuff. This is just a video that describes RAD really well**